"I'm not entirely certain I can pinpoint the moment I first realised EastEnders isn't a documentary. Maybe it was when Den Watts was assassinated by a bunch of daffodils. Or when he came back from the dead and then got killed again."
"Have you experienced 3D telly yet? Don't worry if you haven't, because so far it's powerfully underwhelming: the very definition of a step backward disguised as a leap forward. Consider this a warning from the future."